And God Laughed

Subtitled: What's Your First Born?

I was no more than 12 years old when sitting at Spring Valley Corps I heard a sermon on Abraham's sacrifice of Isaac. (See Genesis 22:1-19 for reference.) The point was that God called Abraham to sacrifice that which he loved most of all. Abraham didn't say, "Now God can't I give you this instead?" or "Are you sure, God? You really want Isaac?" Abraham just got up the next day to go. As a little girl I remember going up to the alter and sobbing my little heart out because I just couldn't fathom giving up a child. I couldn't understand why God would want the sacrifice of a little child, someone just like me.

The adult praying with me responded by saying that God will never ask more than we are capable of giving. That's not to say that he won't ask a lot from us, but that which God asks from us- we truly can give back to him.

That brought much comfort to my little heart, but it has been sixteen years since then and over the course of the last few weeks I have a renewed view of this entire passage. God asks a lot from each one of us. A lot. Too often we get lazy and comfortable in our lives and that is often when God knocks on our heart's door and desires for us to let Him do some re-working of our lives. Many times God comes along and calls us by name, "Karen" and when we finally listen and say, "Here I am" God often responds with the tough choices. The tough requests. He asks for the "first borns" of our lives.

You see, I've come to learn that the "first born" of our lives isn't always a child. In fact most often it is something else entirely. The "first born" of our lives is anything that we love more than God. Anything we hold onto stronger than Him. We can actually have lots of first borns in our lives. Maybe the first born is a career that you have strived for all your life and just when you are in the perfect place, God calls you somewhere else. Maybe the first born is a relationship that fits and feels so right, but God simply says no. Maybe the first born is your finances whether plentiful or minimal, but God saying let Me take over. Let me control your spending and saving. Your first born might be a child or parent or sibling whose life is for one reason or another consuming your own. God is asking to place them in His care and trust Him for the outcome, but in our humaneness, in our desire to "make it all better" we hold on, trying to deal with it on our own. Holding onto our first born can rob us of the joy of having God fill our every fiber.

If you read, Isaac was spared because Abraham didn't withhold even his beloved son from God. The truth of the matter is, if we are willing to sacrifice our first born, God might give it back to us. He may restore our careers and even push us farther along the ladder of success. He may take away that "first love" relationship to give you a relationship that can last a lifetime. He might bless your money and teach us fiscal responsibility to make us financially sound. He might restore our child, parent, sibling, or other relative to complete health or well being- giving them a full and fulfilled life.

But the greater truth of the matter is that God may literally take our "first born" sacrifice. He may take that perfect career and call us to another one completely foreign to our education, nature, and desires. He may take our relationships and leave us single for a while, maybe even a long while. He might teach us fiscal responsibility which means we have to really reevaluate how we deal with our money. He might let that child, parent, sibling return to Him in glory- even if it causes us intense heartache and pain.

God calls us to sacrifice our first born and then trust Him for the future. Question is, are we willing to place our first born in His hands. Are we truly willing to lay our first born on His alter "whate'er the future holds."

Character is About Making the Right Choices

So what does your character say about you? No, really. Not the character you think you have, or want to have, the character that you truly have deep down. I have been thinking about integrity and character a lot lately and ironically it was what the whole closing session of my conference this week was about. The more I have thought about this subject the more I am convicted. We can be washed in the blood of God, cleansed of our unrighteousness, but unless we change our character, that natural self- we are doomed to fall back into Godless selves. Who we are to the outside world can be so far removed from who we are on the inside. Think about it, do you put on a face to your classmates, your professional peers, your boss, even your friends, family, church, or worst of all God? I know that I do. I try to be the best, more refined, version of myself. Yet who are we when we strip away all the polish and deal with the brassy underside? I don't know about you, but that makes me pause for a minute.

When I am by myself, which as a single person can be quite frequently, what do my words and actions imply? Are they the same words and actions I would say and do if I were my "polished" self? Furthermore, would I be absolutely mortified if the world saw who I was as my unpolished, unrefined, naked truth self. You see that is where character comes into play- the words we say, the actions we do, the places we go, and the things we see in the private moments of our lives. I developed a litnus test for character this week- with the words I say, the actions I do, the places I go, the things I see I see in private... can I then face those in the outside world? If my words, actions, thoughts, etc. are different in private than what I would say, do, and think in public- then I need to review what I am doing.

Wrong can be so easily seem like the right thing. We can dupe ourselves into thinking that there is a moral grey area, because I am convinced that sinning is infinitely easier than not-sinning. Think about it though! It's so much easier to just give in than to hold out. Easier to succumb to temptation than resist it. Easier to "just do it" than to be different from the worldly crowd that looks at you funny, that calls you names.

Sin is definitely easier, but that doesn't make it right. We need to choose right in everything we say, do, think.

We need to choose right when we want to make those snide remarks, pass along that juicy bit of gossip, when we want to express that sexual innuendo.

We need to choose right in where we go and what we see. This is such a broad statement but think about what movies you see, the bars and restaurants you go to. Think about the websites you visit and what you do on them.

Our character needs to be such that even when "choosing right" is the hard thing to do, we choose it anyways. This is where integrity comes into play. Our integrity, our reputations, the polished facade is always being attacked and only we have the ability to keep it intact and from being completely and utterly destroyed. We know God is always watching us, but broaden that thought- if the world were watching us, keeping tabs on our every word, our every move- would our lives need to change? Would we have to change hobbies, drink a little less, watch our words, stop being sexually "free."

My devotional for last night culminated in this one thought, "If you belong to Christ, your lifestyle, habits, words, and actions should reflect God's goodness to the people around you. Take time today to examine your life carefully. Ask God to point out any area that does not reflect his goodness. Then ask for his grace and strength, to make the needed changes in your life and to brightly reflect His light."

I started out this posting by saying that I was convicted of all these thoughts this week, and though the situations that brought about this musing will remain between God and I, it is my prayer that good will come from it. That we can all take away a lesson in choosing the right and being transparent people. That we can be people who are washed by God not just on the outside, but we've allowed him to scrub our inside lives as well.

Currently Reading Jane Eyre (Penguin Classics) By Charlotte Brontë see related

Subtitled: Dusting Memories

Sometimes a blast from your past comes back and reminds you of some of the great moments of your life. I grew up with a magazine called Brio and my most favorite writer was Martha Bolton. She wrote a column called "The Cafeteria Lady." I used her devotional called "If The Pasta Wiggles, Don't Eat It" until my copy was worn thin. My thrift store manager came over this morning and brought a book with him that he thought I might like to look at. I saw the cover and just from the design / colour scheme I knew what it was. It was the sequel to my well-worn devotional. So even though I am not quite the "young people" that the book was intended for, I have added it to my devotionals. As I flipped through the pages of this blast from my past I was reminded that though we need to be living in the present and looking / planning to the future- there are definitely good times in the past and we can't let our minds forget them.

So take those memories from the past and dust them off every once in a while. You'll forget what treasures are there!

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Okay, I know it's been way too long! Over two weeks since I last posted. It's been crazy but not crazy enough to have neglected you my cyber audience, so hang on- here we go...

Things have been relatively calm at the office. I have had a lot to get done but amazingly enough it all seems to fall into place and get done in a right and timely fashion. Our social service coordinator was on vacation last week and we still managed to keep from going absolutely nuts... but I have to say I am very glad to have her back!

Last Tuesday we took our home league ladies to the mall and the week prior we went Putt-Putt golfing. I truly enjoy hanging out with these ladies because they keep things so interesting! I also hit a bucket of balls at the driving range while we waited for the men's club to finish their round of mini-golf. It was the first time and though I can say I'm definitely not good, I wasn't absolutely horrible either. I actually enjoyed it enough to go again sometime.

Late on Wednesday, Aug 6th I headed home to spent a day with my family before picking up the kids from Teen Camp. We caught a Dayton Dragon's baseball game (they lost in like the 13th inning...) and on Thursday I headed to mom's office where I visited until she got off work. It's her flex day so at 11:30 we left the office and spent the entire afternoon shopping (I know, big surprise!) We had dinner together as a family and then I had hoped to meet up with a friend for coffee, but alas that didn't happen so I spent the evening with my parents playing virtual golf. It was highly entertaining-- I was so bad I couldn't even hit the side of a building... believe me, I tried!

Bright and early Friday I headed to camp and picked up the kids. We lunched at McDonalds because I remember camp food all too well and thought they might enjoy a "real" meal.Once I got them back to their respective parentals, I headed home and just had a nice relaxing evening.

Between Friday and Saturday I read, read, read. I started and finished the Twilight sequel "New Moon." Suffice it to say, I didn't go out at all Saturday. I just had a wonderfully relaxing day just enjoying the weather wrapped up in a good book.

Then last week was real fun (insert sarcasm here...) I woke up on Monday morning with a sore back and it progressively got worse throughout the week. So I worked as I could and then would head home to take medication and lay down. Even as I sit here typing this, there is a pain that is more annoyance than hinderance.

I was supposed to go to Columbus for an EDS "Train the Trainer" conference but it was postponed. I was actually glad because I don't know that my back would have done well with all the driving as well as sitting for the conference.

I spent Saturday in Christmas shopping mood. Though my back still bothers me, standing / walking is the easiest thing to do so it was actually a good activity. I got nearly everything done- I had to special order one item and it arrives tomorrow and I have yet to purchase my grandmother's gift but otherwise Christmas for me is set to go. I have everything wrapped and ready for the my Tree. (I know, don't hate me and my uber organization / planning ahead personality- it's just who I am!!)

This week I have got a pretty slow week at the office (knock on wood!) and it should be too terrible. I have to take the cat the vet for a check-up on Wednesday and I am going to my new doctor on Thursday to see if they can diagnose my back problem, but otherwise I hope that it'll be a great week.

Take some time to enjoy life!

Subtitled: Influential People

The last few days I have really been thinking about people that have been a big influence in my life. Surprisingly, they aren't always the people who have been in our lives the longest. As I sat down and started planning out the 10 most influential people in my life, I realized that not all the people there have known me since I was a "little girl." Some of the people have just been in my life during the most trying times in my life.

I think it's good to sometimes just look back and evaluate those who have made an impact on you... and then take the time to send them a note of thanks. Why don't you give it a try!

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So I ended up just having a nice relaxing day yesterday. I slept in and then went online for a bit. After lunch I took my book on the back-porch and read in the lawn chair for a bit. I got a bit sleepy and so flatted out the lawn chair and took a nap in the breeze and BEAUTIFUL weather. When I got up I felt like going for a bike ride, so I rode downtown, got a milkshake and read for a bit on the riverfront. Last night I did laundry, cleaned the dishes, and *gasp* actually ironed my uniform shirts.

Today was nice. I led Sunday School with my one lone kid because leading the program. We had a VERY small congregation and so I got home really quick from taking people home. After a big lunch I read for a bit before settling in with the television before Bible Study. I have to say, I truly enjoy leading Bible Study and had a great time doing so this evening. When I got home I cooked dinner and then talked to my mom for a few hours. Now I am posting while watching the first NFL game of the season (YEA!! I AM SO READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL!)

Will be at the office tomorrow. I have a feeling it's going to be a busy few weeks because I have a lot to get done in a short time. Well, hope all is well with you and your family- take time to enjoy life!